Rita's Daughter

Rita was a wonderful lady who had a twinkle in her eye and a zest for life. She was a tiny lady, barely 5 feet tall. You never saw her without a smile on her face. She loved music and would dance any time she could.

Rita was already living in our memory care neighborhood when I first began working there. Her face lit up when we first met. She was so excited to see me, and I soon discovered the reason. Rita began to introduce me as her daughter to everyone we met. As we would walk to activities, she would stop staff and say "have you met my daughter?" She was so proud to have her daughter visiting her. It was very obvious that she loved her daughter very much. Sometimes staff would ask if I was really her daughter. Rita was quick to tell them “yes, she’s my daughter.” Never once did I tell her that I was not her daughter. Why would I want to take that joy away from her?

I often wondered did I look like her daughter? Did I sound like her daughter? What was it about me that felt so familiar and comfortable to her? I know I certainly loved her like a daughter would. There was always a hug waiting for me, and she always asked about the family. What more could I ask for? Her daughter lived out of town, but her son and daughter-in-law visited daily. We became good friends as the years went by. I think they were happy that Rita had someone who loved her when they weren't able to be there.

As Rita declined in health from her dementia, I did finally have an opportunity to meet her daughter Cheryl. I shared happy stories of my time with Rita. I looked hard to see the similarities between Cheryl and I. I didn't think we looked alike, and our mannerisms were not similar in my eyes. But for whatever reason, Rita thought we were both her daughter. I know this was probably difficult for Cheryl. I took comfort in knowing that I filled that hole in the heart for Rita when her daughter could not be there. The love I felt from Rita was a gift that I will always treasure. I hope her family was able to take some comfort in knowing that I loved their mom and was proud to be her "daughter."