Would you....

Would you be my side when I am frightened...
Would you hold my hand in the dark...
Would you comfort me with love....
Would you be patient when I try to get myself ready....
Would you help me sing my favorite song....
Would you watch my favorite show with me for the 100th time....
Would you answer my question even though I've already asked 10 times before....
Would you be kind....
Would you be my friend....
These are the things I did as for you as a child....
Won't you do the same for me as dementia robs me of who I used to be..

It's the Martians!

I was visiting with a family member on our memory care neighborhood when one of our ladies began calling to me. I walked over to see what she needed. She said "who do you think you are waltzing in here without paying?". I apologized and told her I didn't know I needed to pay. So she tells me if I am not going to pay I just need to leave. I apologize again, telling her I don't have any money. I asked how much it cost and if she could put it on my bill. She said it's a dollar, but if you're not going to pay you just need to go on and get out of here while pointing vigorously at the door. I asked if I could pay tomorrow and she reluctantly agreed telling me she would be waiting for $2!

Now for the really funny part....are you ready? I was introducing myself to a new resident telling her I am a friend of her niece Marcia. From behind me I hear the first lady say in a really loud voice "Did you hear what she said? She said she's a Martian!" Well now I know what my Halloween costume is going to be. I love my memory care people!!!

Through Their Eyes

Have you ever seen the fear in their eyes? Or maybe today it is just that confused look in their eyes. I was chatting with a friend today when I was reminded of what drew me to dementia care in the first place.

I can't explain it until I tell my own story. I have had anxiety disorder and panic attacks for as long as I can remember. There have been some pretty rough times, and I was even home bound with agoraphobia at one time. But those days are long gone, although I still have panic attacks at times and still have anxiety, it no longer consumes me. I used to ask "why me."  I just wanted to be normal! 

Then my world changed when I began to work in long term care. After a couple of years I was asked to work on our memory care neighborhood. I tried everything under the sun to get out of taking that job. The very thought of being behind locked doors scared me to death. I couldn't do this...there was no way! Well I went anyway. 

I had 32 residents to provide with activities and social services. They were at all different stages of dementia. What was I going to do? Then a magic thing happened. I was able to see the fear in their eyes....I could feel how frightened they were. I saw them change when someone reached out to them and really connected with them. I saw that they loved to laugh, sing and dance! I saw that they accepted you just as you are...with no judgements and no expectations! I loved each and every one of my 32 residents. They filled my heart with joy every single day. I no longer asked "why me" because now I knew. My life journey brought me there so I could see and feel their fear. My anxiety was my gift...it opened up a world I didn't even know existed!

Baby, it's cold outside!

The weather is bitterly cold here in Indiana. It doesn't take long in this kind of weather for frostbite, hypothermia or even death to occur in the elderly. I have seen several reports of people who have wandered from their homes. What are you doing to protect your loved ones? There are many things you can do to create a safer environment to prevent wandering. 

1. Be aware that wandering is a possibility. And be prepared. If they have wandered once, they will wander again.

2. Put alarms on all exterior doors to alert you that the door has been opened. 

3. Get a motion sensor alarm to put above the bedroom door to alert you if your person leaves the room at night.

4. Use a baby monitor when you are in a different room so you can hear if anything is amiss.

5. Get a GPS system to help you locate your loved one quickly if they should leave home. Some of the life alert systems have a GPS built in and can be set to alert you if they go farther than a certain distance from home.

6. Even for seniors who do not have dementia they are at risk with the extreme cold weather. Please call and check on the seniors in your life. Make sure they have heat. Check in regularly. N

Let's keep our seniors safe. They depend on us! #dementia, #Alzheimer's

It's All About the Papers!

Now that you have made the commitment to take charge of your loved one's care or your life, let's get down to the real nitty-gritty. There are several things you will need to make your task much simpler. One of the best ways to organize all the pieces of paper you are going to need to track is just a simple 3 ring notebook. Yes...one like we used in school way back when. I would choose a notebook in a bright color so that it will stand out making it easier to find in case of an emergency. Get some dividers and protective sleeves, and we are ready to begin!

First let's talk about documents (or copies) you will need to keep:

1. Copies of both front and back of Medicare and any other insurance cards. You need the backside copied too because it will have all of the contact information you will need. Also include a copy of the Social Security card.
2. Power of Attorney (POA) papers. Yes, it is important to have a durable Power of Attorney. This will allow you to make medical decisions, handle banking, and more. Please consult an attorney to ensure that you have the correct paperwork in place. 
3. Living Will, if there is one. This allows you to know your loved ones wishes regarding feeding tubes, ventilators, and CPR status. 
4. Copies of any long term care policies.
5. Copy of any military discharge papers in case your person may qualify for VA benefits.
6. Information on bank accounts (account numbers, which bank, stocks, bonds and other financial information)
7. Current medication list with dosages and administration times. 
8. List of physicians and their phone numbers and addresses.
9. The name, address and phone number of the attorney who wrote the will or will be handling the estate.
10. Name, address and phone number of the preferred funeral home. This is a good time to clarify if the funeral has been pre-planned.
11. Any other important phone numbers or contact information for minister, distant family members, or others you may need to contact in an emergency.
12. You may have other documents such as a birth certificate or marriage license that you would like to keep here too. 

Place all of your documents in the protective sleeves and file them in your binder. This will keep them all together in a place that is readily accessible. The first 4 items you will need in the event of hospitalization or if your loved one goes to a rehab or long-term care facility. Having this binder will save you a lot of headaches and stress. There is nothing like trying to find where Grandma put her insurance cards when you are in the middle of an emergency!

Take Charge!

As the new year starts, it's time to take charge! What does that mean to you? Maybe it's time to take charge of your own health and well-being...put yourself first for a change. Or maybe it's time to step in and take charge for your loved one living with dementia.

• Begin my making a list to get organized.
•  Do you know the medications your loved one takes? Are they taking them as prescribed?
• Which doctors do they routinely see?
• List their ongoing medical issues. 
• Make notes to take with you to the next doctor's appointment.
• Be sure to note any changes you have observed including any new or worsening behavior.
• You might want to alert the doctor prior to the scheduled appointment of any concerns you have. 
• Do you need a life alert system? Some of these even come with a GPS monitoring system to help you locate someone if they should wander away from home.
• Organize your army. By this I mean get your support system in place. Don't rely on people knowing what you need. Give them specific jobs or tasks to help with. 
• Keep your sense of humor. Laughter will get you through some really tough spots.
• Evaluate the driving safety of your loved one. The confusion of dementia can lead to major problems while driving. Have a doctor help with the evaluation if necessary. 

Now that you have some tips to get started, take some time to relax. How about a glass of wine and a warm relaxing bath...

Enjoying the Moment!

Enjoying the Moment!

We have opportunities every day to make the ordinary extraordinary. This can happen when we take time to be "in the moment". Sometimes we get so wrapped up in work, worries, and more that we forget to enjoy life. We become overwhelmed by the responsibilities of being a caregiver...whether we are caring for our children or caring for a senior with dementia. We all know the tremendous amount of work and worry that goes in to both of those jobs.

What would happen if you let go of those reins you hold so tightly and just let loose for a while? Would the world come to an end? Some of the most fun I have had is looking at the world through the eyes of my grandchildren and the seniors I work with. They both look at things from a completely different perspective. Have you ever taken a walk with a four year old? You have to slow down to see the beautifully colored butterfly floating by, or that rock with the fascinating fossils, or the wondrous shapes hidden in the clouds! For the four year old, each one of these things is brand new and magical. My seniors are the same way...they find joy in the moment! I think they often looks at things as magical because they know it could be the last time they get to see or enjoy whatever it is. It may be something beautiful or it could be something as simple as the laughter of a child or a puppy visiting our building. It may be a visit from a family member they haven't seen for a long time.

Think about the wonder of bubbles glimmering in the summer breeze. It is something so simple,,,practically free, but the colors floating on the bubbles, the suspended breath as you wait to see if the bubble pops or if it goes higher until it is out of sight, seeing how large a bubble you can make before it pops, trying to catch it again on the bubble wand. The possibilities in those bubbles are endless...because you are enjoying the moment!

Think about the smell of cookies baking. They don't even have to be made from scratch anymore. You can buy them pre-made and just spread them on the cookie sheet and bake. Then as you open that oven, the wonderful aroma of warm cookies overwhelms you...your mouth starts to water...you can't wait to have that first bite while the cookies are still warm and soft. You are enjoying the moment!

Remember grandma's button box and how much you enjoyed looking at all those different buttons, imagining what kind of dress or shirt they might have been on. I always loved the feel of running my fingers through those buttons and the kind of musty smell of that old button box. Do grandma's even have button boxes any more? Well, they should because there is magic in those boxes!

These are just a few examples of enjoying the moment. Why don't you and your person with dementia take a little time to find your own moments to enjoy? See what wonders you will find and what memories will surface. You just might be surprised when you enjoy the moment. Let me know how it feels!

Chuck and the Car Lot

Chuck came to live with us after his family decided he could no longer live alone. His wife had passed away a few years ago. He had been lonely in his home, so he quickly made friends with other residents. He was tall and quite a gentleman. He soon noticed Kate. She was cute as a button with her hair in a bun and her dresses with all the pearl buttons. Kate reminded me of Aunt Bea from the Andy Griffith show. Chuck and Kate seemed to always be together...often holding hands as they walked. Chuck began talking about marrying Kate and getting a place of their own.

Our dining room overlooked our employee parking lot. Chuck often commented on the variety of cars in the lot. He thought I owned the car lot and must be selling a lot of cars. Nearly every day he would stop by to ask about buying one of the cars. He wanted to get a car so he and Kate could get married. Of course, they would need a car if they were going to move to their own place. I didn't have the heart to tell him that none of the cars were for sale, so I would tell him the sales manager was at lunch or had gone for the day. This answer always seemed to satisfy him, and he would go on about his day. He would stop at my desk the next day, and my answer would always be the same. He was able to walk away with his dream and his dignity intact. Chuck and Kate are both gone now, but I still smile every time I think about Chuck and the car lot.